Sunday, February 23, 2014

Do You Suffer From Proseucheglossophobia?

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Do your hands start to sweat and your heart start to pound when Bible study moves on to “Prayer Time”? 

Do you find yourself reaching a near-panic state as the group leader looks around for “someone to close us in prayer”? 

Do you miss out on half of the spoken prayers because you are berating yourself for not speaking out to uphold a friend in prayer, running through all of the reasons that everyone is better off if you DON’T open your mouth, vowing to pray TWICE AS HARD tonight before you go to sleep to make up for not participating YET AGAIN in the prayer circle?

If any of these situations come close to your own, you may in fact suffer from proseucheglossophobia.

[That’s pros-yoo-khay-glos-o-fo-bee-ya.]
The term may be fiction, but the malady is all too real.
Experts estimate that as much as 75% of the population experience glossophobia, or the fear of speaking in public, to some extent.  I’ve added “proseuche” to that term to represent the fear of PRAYING in public, because “proseuchomai” in Greek means “to offer prayers.” 

Hence, proseucheglossophobia, is the fear of praying in public.  Say it ten times fast.  (Just not in public!)

I’m no psychologist, and cannot offer an analysis of why so many of us are afraid to pray out loud in front of people.  But, as a fellow phobic who has come far in overcoming the limits of that fear, I CAN share with you my own path to breaking free (a little bit!) from the phobia.

Pray About It!

Whenever I am facing some difficulty in my life, or working on some area of weakness, the first thing I try to do is to take my effort to God. 

I take seriously the passages in the Bible that remind me that my help comes from the Lord (Psalm 121:2), and that I can do little apart from Him (John 15:5).  I take seriously the reminders that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippans 4:13).  I take seriously the promises that a fervent prayer can accomplish a lot (James 5:16). 

When I noticed that I was having so much trouble praying out loud in front of people, and that I just couldn’t bring myself to participate during prayer times, I asked God to help me to overcome my fear.  I asked Him to remind me to focus on my conversation with Him, rather than putting my focus on how I might look or sound to the people listening to me.  I asked Him to remind me that my ego was so much less important than the work that I should be doing to bring the requests and needs of loved ones to Him in prayer.

Pray With Your Children

I knew that I couldn’t teach my children how to pray without modeling prayer in front of them, and I couldn’t very well close my eyes and bow my head and sit in silence, expecting them to learn anything about prayer from that. 

I started using a little book of devotions with them, and said aloud the one-line prayer provided in each day’s passage.  As I got more comfortable hearing my own voice, and as I thought of more things I wanted to pray for in front of my children, I prayed a little more “off-the-cuff,” using the pre-printed prayer as the first line, and adding additional thoughts of my own. 

Similarly at night before bed, I started with a one-sentence prayer, thanking God for our day and asking Him to protect us as we sleep.  Over time, I started adding to the prayer, asking for His blessings for our family, thanking Him for the day’s food and our home, asking for healing or comfort for some member of the family whom the girls knew was facing an illness or injury.  Then I added, “Please forgive us for our sins, and help us to make good choices.”  Occasionally, the girls ask me to pray for something, like a tummy ache or a cut on their finger or summertime mosquito bites. 
I found that praying aloud with my children was a very low-pressure, low-stress approach to getting comfortable with the overall idea of praying in front of others.  I started with a feeling of obligation (“I really NEED to be doing this for the spiritual development of my girls!”), and I started small (“They can only sit still for a sentence or two, so that’s where we’ll begin.”), and from there I got more comfortable, started to involve them in the content of the prayer, and added to the length of what I had to say. 
I think one reason this step helped me in my development as an “out-loud pray-er” is that with children I HAD to keep my words simple and my thoughts clear.  If I sat there and started praying about holiness and  sanctification, and “thou art,” and “thy sovereign this or that,” it would have turned me tongue-tied, and utterly confused the kids!  And once I started praying in front of other people—grown-ups—I didn’t see any real reason to switch gears and pull out the fancy Christian vocabulary. 
God knows my heart, and He knows what I’m trying to say, and if I’m going to bother speaking those thoughts aloud, they might as well be understandable!  God gave me this voice, and I try to pray aloud with the same voice I use when I pray inside my head.  There is no need for me to try to sound like anyone other than myself. 
Pay Attention

When I started to recognize that praying out loud is a skill, something that I could learn, I started really listening to people whose prayers I admired.  I started paying attention to how they began their prayers, how they addressed God, and what they said first.  I listened for the words and phrases they used to pray for people who needed healing, comfort, or encouragement.  I took note of what they said to bring their prayers to a close.  It was almost like I was creating a “word bank” in my mind with words and phrases I could use in my own prayers.  I could always hear if the things that other were saying didn’t sound like ME, though, and, as I said above, I always pray in my own voice, rather than taking on the voice of someone else I’ve heard as a prayer model.

Put Yourself in Positions Where You HAVE To Do It

I found myself in the position of leading one of the Bible study/prayer circles at my church.  I COULDN’T back out of praying now!  It was in MY job description (so to speak) to open our meetings in prayer, and to start off our prayer time at the end.  Yikes!  It was “do or die,” to put it melodramatically.  Facing this didn’t mean the phobia disappeared, not by a long shot, but it put me in a position where I could not avoid facing my phobia, and I had to figure out how to overcome it (by the means described above) in order to not be miserable internally and do what I considered would be a disservice to the women in my circle.

Avoid Comparisons To Others
More than anything, overcoming a fear of praying in front of others requires us to get rid of this pervasive and so-damaging practice of comparing ourselves to others. If it is truly just me talking to my Heavenly Father, why would I ever fear?  But when you add a handful of women to the equation, some of whom look like Giants of the Faith compared to where I am on my own faith journey, women who open their mouths and pour out eloquence in support of their sisters’ concerns and challenges, women who can incorporate scripture to support their requests…well, you can feel the pressure mounting as well as I can, can’t you?

But the fact is, no matter who is sitting in that room with you, your conversation is truly between you and God.  The rest of us sitting there are in solidarity with you.  Do you REALLY think that while you lift up your brother in Christ facing heart surgery or your sister in Christ trying to extract herself from an abusive relationship that someone in your circle is internally critiquing your word choice or snorting that you stuttered AGAIN?  And if they are, then woe to them, not to you!  Praying is not a competitive sport.  Some people will have a smoother delivery with finer words and deeper thoughts.  Others will be more stilted and halting.  All are approaching the throne of grace with confidence (Hebrews 4:6), following Jesus’ example and obeying God’s command to pray. 

You're Not Alone!
If you are nervous or fearful about praying out loud in front of others, be aware that you are in good company.  I found online references to “praying out loud” workshops to help people get more comfortable doing it.  Some pastors feel uncomfortable praying out loud, even though it is a fundamental part of their job description!

The most encouraging thing to keep in mind that praying out loud is a skill that you CAN learn, and its potential for allowing you to bless others makes it a skill worth developing. 

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Making Sense of the Bible

The title of my post is a little grandiose perhaps.  I don’t think I will actually be offering you a magic key to unlock all of the mysteries of the Bible.  Only God Himself and some really diligent reading and praying are likely to do that for you!  But I do have a couple more thoughts that I want to share as you continue your commitment to spend time each day in God’s Word.

I think many of us have sat down to re-enter Bible reading, only to open up the Book and find the words too unfamiliar, the sentences too complex, and the people and place names too strange to wade through.  Try to choose a translation of the Bible that makes enough sense to you to be worthwhile.  I have always used the New International Version.  I’ve heard plenty of criticism of that version, and lots of alternatives, but it is a translation that I am familiar and comfortable with.  You can talk to friends, family members, or a pastor to get their translation recommendations.  Check out different translations from the library to see what you are comfortable with.  For me, the King James Version is too difficult to understand, and The Message is too subjective and colloquial.  These are my personal opinions, and there are people who will read nothing but the King James Version, or who feel as though The Message has brought them back to God’s Word for the first time in years.  The decision ultimately lies with you, and I recommend spending time in prayer, asking God to help direct you to the translation through which He can most effectively communicate with you.
Though it’s definitely not necessary, you might consider reading a Bible that leads you through the whole text in a year.  (It doesn’t mean, by the way, that you have to make it through in one year.  You may miss some days, or decide to read at a slower pace.)  Some of these “Bibles-in-a-year” will give you a selection of passages each day—perhaps an Old Testament passage, a Psalm, a reading from the Gospels, and a passage from the New Testament letters.  I’ve tried this approach and found it to be too choppy for my taste.  Right now, I am reading The One Year Chronological Bible, published by Tyndale House, and it works great for me.  The selections are a good length, and allow me to read a chunk of text without jumping from place to place.  I am not left to determine how much of the Bible I “should” be reading each day; it’s like a homework assignment, which a bookworm, schoolmarm-type like me responds to positively.  As I will point out again and again, what works best for me may not work best for you, so it may take some trial and error to find out what suits your lifestyle and personality.  If you’re spending time with the Bible each day trying to figure out what works best for you, then that time of experimenting with book types and translations will not be a “waste of time,” and I firmly believe that God will bless your efforts.
I have found children’s Bibles to be a great resource for my own Bible study, too.  I gave my daughter the Adventure Bible for Early Readers (Zonderkidz) for her 6th birthday.  Its target audience is six- to nine-year olds.  As I struggled through the Book of Proverbs last month, I picked up her edition and found Solomon’s wisdom much more understandable when directed toward a younger reader.  During Sunday school last week, as my co-teacher did a lesson for fourth graders on the Beatitudes in the Book of Matthew, I found that the Adventures in Odyssey Bible (Focus on the Family) gave a very helpful translation of just exactly whom Jesus was blessing by his words.  (Haven’t you wondered?  Just who exactly are the “poor in spirit,” and why are they so blessed?  Pick up a children’s Bible to find out!)
And a final thought, which comes with a “Major Personal Opinion Alert”:  I would caution you against using daily devotion books to the exclusion of reading the Bible.  For example, if you read a page from Our Daily Bread or Jesus Calling or Encouragement for Today, but never open the Word of God itself, I think you are missing out on an important resource that God has given to His children.  These devotions usually present a single verse from the Bible, along with a story, commentary, and prayer that are related to it.  If you truly hold onto that Bible verse throughout the day, and apply it to your thinking and actions throughout, then I am certainly not suggesting that quantity trumps quality and you should try to read more, more, more.  But if you skim through the verse, and read through the text, and go on with your day without giving it a second thought, then I think you might be better served to read more of God’s Own Word, and less of men’s and women’s thoughts and commentary about God’s Word.  If you disagree, I am happy to hear your reasons (communicated respectfully, please!) so that no one who might be blessed by these sorts of devotional books is  pulled away from them by what I’ve said here.  I think they can be an inspiring supplement to your reading of the Bible, just not a substitute. 
If any of these suggestions work for you, if you have any questions, or if you have other advice or suggestions about making Bible reading and study an everyday part of your life, please let us know in the comments!

Monday, February 3, 2014

Reminder: Our First Meeting!

The first meeting of the Living Stones Women's Ministry is coming up soon!

If you live in or near Delaware County, PA, and would like to join us, please email me at aleakaskey@yahoo.com for more information.

Our meeting will take place Tuesday, February 11, from 9 am to 11 am.  Our plan is to meet every 2nd and 4th Tuesday of the month for a time of fellowship, Bible/book study, and prayer.

We will spend our first time together getting to know one another, finding out more about the group, and having an introduction to the first book we will study:  The Ministry of Motherhood:  Following Christ's Example in Reaching the Hearts of Our Children by Sally Clarkson.  If you haven't ordered your copy yet from Amazon, The Vine Christian Shoppe, or Christian Book, make sure to do it soon, so you can bring it to our first meeting.

PLEASE NOTE:  You do not have to read or prepare anything for our first meeting!  :-)
In addition to great conversation and a time of prayer, there will also be coffee, tea, and edibles.  And did I mention a Valentine-themed favor??  The great group of women who will become the Living Stones are likely to walk out with plenty of "Andria crafts" before the year is over!  I can just hear you all now:  "Oh, good, she pasted together some more scraps for us," and "Oh, look, it's that exposed, raw stitching on the back she likes so much."  Ha ha!  Even if my aesthetic isn't exactly the same as yours, you will know that everything has been prepared and created with love (and can always be passed along to someone else!). 

Children are welcome, of course, and I will try to have a variety of toys and books available to keep them busy while we talk.  If they have a particular favorite item that will help them feel comfortable in a new situation, please feel free to bring it along.

I would like to reiterate something I wrote in the first email I sent to everyone inviting them to be a part of this ministry:
"While we may have more than enough Facebook "Friends," Pinterest "Followers," play group acquaintances, and email correspondents, how many meaningful, face-to-face, God-centered relationships do we enjoy with women who understand us, face similar challenges as we do, and grapple with similar questions in their lives?  I think we can really benefit from closing the computer, putting the iPhone away, allowing our children to learn what independent play is all about, and nurturing some real, heartfelt, supportive female friendships on a regular basis." 
I am really looking forward to bringing us all together for our first meeting!
 
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